Dark Shadows: As Opposed to Light Shadows

There's nothing like a disappointing movie based on a silly outmoded soap opera.

But Tim Burton has done his darndest over the past decade to turn what could have been a cool movie into something that you wish you had waited to watch on Netflix. I remember when I saw Alice in Wonderland in theaters, and thought to myself something along the lines of... Guh. Over the top, except where it counts. Sure, Jonny Depp was interesting to watch. But ultimately it was a disappointing movie.

And now cometh Dark Shadows. The movie looked unique back when the previews came out, and I remember liking the mix of old world charm with 70's quirk. However, all those funny parts they shoved down your throat over and over, (like, "A woman doctor? What an age this is!") were all the parts in the movie that I might have enjoyed, had I not memorized them already.

Johnny Depp plays a vampire who is trying to pick up the pieces of the life he knew back 200 years ago. And yet, the very witch that put him in the ground continues to plague him with her unrequited and bitter love. To make the most of it, Johnny re-vamps (ah ha.. ah ha... hah...) the family business. Can he take care of his wacky descendants, fight off the witch's advances and come to terms with his evil curse?

Probably not. I've seen the movie, and I'm not even sure.

But there was some greatness, too. Michelle Pfeiffer with a shot gun, for instance, was quite awesome. Johnny Depp himself was very interesting to watch every time he came on the screen and purrrrred out his lines. I loved the Collinwood Mansion, it had a creepy, nautical old world feel to it that made me want to rent a room. And I also liked the ghost of Barnabus' long dead lover, she looked cool, even if the actress was horrible and easily dismissible.

All in all, I thought the movie was either too much, or not enough. For being based on a soap opera, they could have at least given someone a brain tumor or an evil twin.