I, Frankenstein

I have to admit that I'm a huge nerd and I ruin every movie based on a book because I sit there the whole time pointing out what was changed.

So you can imagine how I felt walking into the movie I, Frankenstein.

(I hear it is based on a comic book, which I've never read. So I can't comment on that.)

Right off the bat, I was extremely relieved when they mentioned that the monster is not necessarily named Frankenstein, and that, in fact, he really doesn't have a name. I feel like that's an important theme from the original story. 

Otherwise... the movie wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. There were actors in it that I enjoy from other films, like Bill Nighy, and Aaron Eckhart. They did what they could for the dumb movie.

Don't see it unless you have nothing better to do.

Sea Witch with Gumption

Image by IsabelVilchez

Ursula! She has always been my personal favorite. My brother and I used to sing Poor Unfortunate Souls at family gatherings to much applause. But I digress...

I've heard that Ursula comes under some flack for being overweight. Not to say that I've heard people who think she shouldn't be overweight, I've heard opinions about how it's wrong to portray overweight people as evil... ?? Excuse me? Disney's first cartoon villain was the evil step mother queen in Snow White. She was evil to her core, and regal, and conceited, and she also happened to be like a size 2. Then there was the skinny B Maleficent. Then there was the toothpick Cruella DeVille. Do you see where I'm going with this? Ursula wasn't a villain until 1989, and Disney had been making movies about evil skinny people since 1937. No body types are inherently evil, because evil comes from within.

Besides, anyone can be evil from some point of view. King Triton banished Ursula and cast her out of his kingdom to fend for herself. Was he not evil in her point of view? Is Ariel not a naive brat that betrays her father and changes everything about herself for a man? Who's the bad guy here? I think the only good guy is Flounder.

Back to Ursula.

In a sea of boring mermen and maids, Ursula is the only interesting one to look at and listen to. Her deep, throaty voice resonates in her creepy cave. And she's got tentacles! Oh meh god! She was born with a gift for magic, which apparently is something that heretofore was only bestowed on King Triton. Blasphemy that this octopus woman should also possess it! She is banished from the kingdom, and called a Sea Witch. Anyone else might have given up, but not our Ursula. She is confident and smart, she can make her own way and get what she wants, no matter what some stubborn white beard says. That kind of ambition is admirable, and you know what else impresses me about Ursula? She seems like she could sell water to a whale and walk away with its blowhole too.

Example: "Oh, I've had the odd complaint, but on the whole I've been a saint.... to these poor unfortunate souls!"

Ariel doesn't want to hear about how those creepy weeds-with-eyes got racked across the proverbial coals, she came to mend her broken heart. Ursula, in true saleswoman fashion, plays up how those poor dears came to her, much like Ariel, and she helped them out of the goodness of her heart. True? Yes. It's a wonderful song, her sales pitch about how she can help Ariel for a small price. The people down at the mall should force their employees to study Ursula's selling technique:

First, she makes a pledge about her trustworthiness. She then offers examples of how past customers were very happy with the results of her product. But, since Ariel has probably heard rumors, the sea witch addresses any would-be concerns about why anyone would give her a bad rating. See? It was their fault, they wouldn't hold up their end of the bargain, there was nothing poor Ursula could do to help them anymore than she already had. You know what, though? Ursula is sure that Ariel will be perfect and get just what she wants. But, come on, kid, you have to buy now or there's no deal. Don't you want that handsome prince? Don't you want to see what it's like to have... what do you call them? Oh, feet. Come on, hurry, hurry, hurry; do you want to buy it or not?

And SOLD. Yes. Respect.

Back to the weight issue. Ursula makes two references specifically to weight in the movie. She motions to a magical representation of a chubby mermaid, and says she helped her get thinner. Then later on in the film, to assure that the prince is distracted and can't kiss Ariel, she makes herself super skinny. If she has the power to do that at a moment's notice, why doesn't she do it all the time? Because she must not want to! She likes the way she looks, down to her bright red, freshly applied lipstick! That's self esteem, ladies and gentlemen. May we all aspire to love the way we look, exactly how we look.

And of course, Ursula has a drop of crazy. What's a villain without insanity? She takes King Triton's power and immediately uses it to try and kill everyone. She's already won! She could rule the seas and gloat forever, but no, dammit! She's been waiting for this for too long and she's ready to take you all down, and make you pay! All rationale out the window, because she knows what she wants and she doesn't question herself. Unlike some of the more uptight Disney witches, Ursula wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. That's why I love Ursula. She's got gumption.

Disney Villains

Whether they have fur coats or flame heads, you gotta love a Disney Villain. I sure do, anyway, and I'm going to do a series of blogs dedicated to some of my favorite baddies. Tune in for such features as Ursula: The Sea Witch, and Madame Medusa: Saggy Boobs. Or, you know, something along those lines. :D By the time I'm done with you, you wont be able to go another day without a Disney marathon. Good thing most of them are on Netflix, am I right?





  

ParaNorman

Cute Undead Things!

The undead in ParaNorman weren't so cute, but the movie itself was cute in the extreme sense of the word. I went to see it for the stop motion animation, and stayed for the everything.

This is a personable tale about a little boy who feels like a freak. Norman can see and talk to those who have passed on. Expired. Gone to the taco shop in the sky. Basically, Norman can interact with the dead, and people treat him differently because they don't want to acknowledge his weird gift. It makes everyone uncomfortable around him, including his immediate family. So poor Norman is alone, misunderstood, and only feels like a normal kid when conversing with the dearly departed. But not everyone is ready to steer clear of Norman, and a surprise visit from his estranged uncle will show Norman a higher purpose for his unusual ability.

I've always loved stop motion animation, dating back, of course, to The Nightmare Before Christmas. The level of dedication it takes to create a feature length film using this method is mind boggling to me, and I respect the heck out of it. I can't imagine how annoying it could get just trying to film a character blinking. Blinking, for Pete's sake! So I had to see ParaNorman, especially after I saw the teaser trailer that featured Donovan's Season of the Witch. That's my jam!

And I was not disappointed! This is one of the best stop motion animation movies I've ever seen. I know, it sounds like blasphemy, and you want to smack me upside the head for disrespecting Nightmare, but hear me out. The characters in this movie are so life like in their personalities and actions that it's hard to hear the voice actor behind them. You think of the character's voice as belonging to them, not to some guy in a studio. I feel like every character was flushed out, and given an identity, down to their individual mannerisms and asymmetrical features.

Norman has a fascination with zombies, and he has so much zombie merchandise that it made me giggle.  Because he can see dead people, and can relate to them because they don't judge him for being different, he can hide from the world in the fiction of zombies. But he learns that he can accept friendship and let go of his barrier. Daw. The cuteness, once again, was touching. Go see it already, and cry tears of understanding and joy like I did! You're going to be surprised at who your favorite characters are by the end of the film.

Moonrise Kingdom

Kingdom of awkward romance.

It's a special class of people who enjoy movies by Wes Anderson. Many would say that his movies are boring and depressing. Many more people, including those who love his movies, call them just plain weird. I admit when I first saw The Life Aquatic and The Royal Tenenbaums, I wasn't sure what to think, with all the understated dialogue and odd interweaving relationships. But if there's one thing I appreciate in a movie, its characters that have both good and bad qualities. Wes Anderson is pretty good at that. 

Moonrise Kingdom isn't like other Wes Anderson movies you may or may not have seen. Its a sweet love story about two misunderstood tweens and the lonely adults who try to control them. The boy is an orphan who is a master at wilderness preparedness, due to many years spent in a group of "boy scouts" called something that doesn't infringe on any copyrights. His love interest is a twelve year old girl that wears lots of blue eye shadow and has anger management issues. The two run away together for a romantic camping trip to find a coastal alcove where no one will bother them, and their budding love can bloom.

No matter what their intentions are or how well they handle being on their own, children running away like that understandably puts the community on edge. Everyone panics and turns on each other, ready to point the finger of blame. I really enjoyed watching each individual's reaction, and how they applied the story of forbidden young love to their own lives. As we've come to expect from Wes Anderson, this is a film about lonely people, coming slowly to terms with their past as well as with their family. The difference with Moonrise Kingdom is that the young lovers add an element of innocence. Although the two are lonely and depressed, they are untainted by life, and it brings this movie to a level of lightheartedness that I didn't expect.   

Well... Its lighthearted for Wes Anderson. I thought it was cute!

You may be disinclined to see this movie because of that "cuteness", and the child actors being such a main staple of the plot. Let's face it, kids aren't usually great actors. Look how long it took Daniel Radcliffe to learn how to play Harry Potter! At least 8 films! The truth is, the tweens in Moonrise Kingdom aren't exactly on par with folks like, I don't know, say Daniel Day-Lewis? However, they are quite good, and they display a rawness that would be difficult for their legendary co-stars like Edward Norton and Tilda Swinton to pull off. I imagine it would be near impossible to evict emotions like that from tweens and even harder to capture it all on camera. Watching the two speak intimately with each other made me uncomfortable like I was interrupting something private. For that, I commend Wes.

I'm not sure if this is still in theaters or not, I watched it some weeks ago. But if it is still in theaters, then this movie is well worth the time spent in an air conditioned theater, on semi-reclining padded chairs. In this summer heat, you can't ask for much more than that, but this movie provides it anyway. 

The Dark Knight Rises

Wham! I just got socked in the face by a colorful exclamation, used to make Adam West look like he's beating someone up.

Adam West is off doing his own things, and as he is no longer filling the black boots of Batman, Christian Bale has taken them up (we can ignore most of the actors who have played Batman in between the two, although I have a soft spot for Michael Keaton's portrayal) and done them honor. These last three movies have gotten better and better, bringing us to this magical crescendo that we call The Dark Knight Rises.

I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same. No way can this movie out-awesome The Dark Knight. You'd be wrong! I was blown away, and if you have any love for Batman, you must watch The Dark Knight Rises.

Usually at this point I would try to give a quick run down of the movie, giving only a taste of what you might see on the silver screen. The truth is, I don't want to give away anything from this film. I want you to see it and be surprised each step of the way. Don't worry about the trailers, don't look up the actors, just buy a ticket and let yourself be taken away by it all.

What I can talk about is Anne Hathaway. She had quite an act to follow, what with Michelle Pfeiffer having been the embodiment of Catwoman two decades ago. I read in an interview that Anne didn't think of herself as Catwoman, she couldn't replace Michelle Pfeiffer in her own mind. That made me a little uncertain as to how good her performance could be, if she had no confidence in herself. But I saw that she wasn't attempting to be the same Catwoman as Michelle, and I think that's what she meant. Anne was the Catwoman of a modern, realistic world. Her costume was boring and normal, but suited the character.

The truth was I've hated Catwoman for two decades, being extremely jealous of her agility, crazoidness, and overall sex appeal. However, I must say I did appreciate the emotion and vulnerability that Anne Hathaway brought to the character. And I was only slightly jealous of her.

As for Christian Bale, he plays a great Batman and Bruce Wayne. He doesn't only display the duality between the two personas, he has a third side to him: the Bruce Wayne that only Alfred sees down in the Batcave. He isn't wearing a mask there, he's worried about preparing for the next mask he puts on, and if he can pull it off.

Ah! I want to say so much, but I cannot! Go see it!

The Amazing Spider-Man: Once More, with Feeling!

Movie Deja Vu! No, not the one with Denzel traveling four days into the past. I'm talking about that other Spider-Man movie with goofball plot devices and freaky William Dafoe as the Green Goblin. Both that Spider-Man and this Spider-Man movie tell the same story of a punk kid named Peter Parker who gets bitten by a spider and turns vigilante. The difference in this reboot is that it's actually GOOD.

The other three Spider-Man movies were directed by Sam Raimi. You may remember him from such works as Xena: Warrior Princess, or Evil Dead. Don't get me wrong, Xena was my hero, and I love Bruce Campbell. But if Sam Raimi does one thing well, that one thing would be the cheese factor, and that is best displayed in the Spider-Man series he did with Tobey Maguire. I wasn't really a fan, especially because Spider-Man is perhaps one of my least favorite superheroes. My favorite superhero is Batman, so you can imagine that cheese doesn't usually bother me, but when it's paired with Tobey Maguire, we have a problem...

In any case, The Amazing Spider-Man has resurrected the story for me. Andrew Garfield, who plays as the new Peter Parker, gives him a raw quality that is rare in superhero portrayals. He doesn't have the severity of Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne, or the rapier wit of the billionaire playboy Iron Man. Garfield came off to me as being a realistic version of Peter Parker, with angst, awkwardness, humor, and heart.

The chemistry between Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone was breathtaking! Watching the tenderness they show for each other leaked into my brain to remind me of and reaffirm the relationships I have in my life. Wow. Romantic comedies wish they could do that. Heck, The Notebook wishes it could do that, and here it is, accomplished by a superhero action movie. Go figure.

This all sounds like I was surprised about how good this movie was. Psh! I knew from the instant I saw Rhys Ifans in the trailer that this had to be worth the watch. That guy is great in everything, from Harry Potter to Notting Hill, and he did not disappoint as Dr. Curt Connors, AKA The Lizard. His performance was pretty darn good, because he imbued his character with so many redeeming qualities that if you only saw select scenes from the movie (skipping most of the violence), you might think he was a protagonist. It takes guts to play such a potentially brutal character with bald-faced sincerity, bordering on innocence. And that, my friends, is the best kind of bad guy: the kind that believes they are doing the "right" thing.

All in all, great movie! I give it five and a half strawberry lollipops, out of six total lollipops. That half a lollipop was deducted because of the ending and how it disappointed me... But you shall see for yourself, I hope! Now I can pretend those last three movies never happened. You may think this reboot is awkwardly too soon, but I say it should have bloody come first!